Oh the pain that rages within.....
Lord, here we are, again. Why do I struggle with this so much?
Is it because once again, I have had to watch a dream die, or, am I just mad at You for not allowing me to have it my way? Frankly, I am pretty sure it is a mixture of both to be quite honest. Thankfully, I, at least, have reached the point in my walk as a Christian to understand I can feel these things, and You are big enough to handle them, and big enough to take me to the woodshed of correction.
So what is the real root of the problem here? In a nutshell, it is me, myself, and I.
I had a dream. I have more dreams.
I have plans, big plans. I want what I want!! Why can't you get on board God?
Woe is me, I have seen the enemy, and she lives within me. I am frustrated because 'I' did not get 'my' way. The reality of the sin of my attitude comes rushing in to condem me, and I hear that still, small voice say, 'Not my will, but Yours."
Yes, Lord, but, but, but.
There is no room in the Christians life for 'but'. Just who do we think we are? Did 'we' send our sinless Son into the world to die for the sins for the whole of mankind? The answer is an emphatic NO! This can mean He is the only one who has the right to have the whole of life laid out for us, with plans and opportunities for us, not only to draw near to Him for salvation, but by repetitive training, grow us more like His Son day by day. THAT is the plan.
Our plan has not one whit of merit in the grand scheme of things. Our plans must die, we must lay down our dreams and pick up His for us. This is where the sweet peace of resting in Him truly comes from. When we can reach the point of saying with a humble heart, 'Yes, Lord' and mean it, we then are set free from the striving for our own way.
So there it is, this life is not my own to do with what I want, I am not in control, I am not God. This life is not my plan, it is HIS. Therein lies the real truth of the matter, which is, if I am not God, then He certainly is, and His plan for my life is without a doubt perfect in His design, even when it doesn't meet 'my' own plans.
What dream has died today for you, or for me? Is it not true that they are dreams of what 'could have been', as well as dreams of 'what could be'. How are you and I going to handle this? We can become bitter, which will utterly destroy our relationship with Christ and with others, or we can agree with the Psalmist. "Thou, O LORD, art a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth." Ps. 86:15
Did you catch that? He is a God of compassion, being quite aware of our hurts when dreams die.
He knows your heart, as well as mine. The Psalmist goes on to say, "O LORD, how great are YOUR works! Your thoughts are very deep. A senseless man does not know, nor does a fool understand this." Ps. 92:5-6.
Dr. Adrian Rogers used to say, "God chooses for you what you would choose for yourself, if you had sense enough to choose it."What truth!
The Psalmist confirms this, we are senseless and foolish, in that we cannot know the bulk of history, nor our unique place in it, for Gods glory.
Today, though my heart is hurting, I can rest in the knowledge that even in my pitiful state of not knowing, nor understanding, God DOES know, HE DOES understand, and HE is God....I am not.
An appropriate topic on the day I will pick up my son at the bus station, as he is sent home from Marines boot camp. On a medical discharge. Talk about death of his dream. You and I have been around long enough to know that God ALWAYS has a plan - a MUCH better plan. But he is only 20. I love that statement you quoted from our beloved pastor. God DOES know, understand, and He IS perfect LOVE.
ReplyDeleteMelonie,
ReplyDeletePlease know that I have stopped and prayed for not only you today, but for him as well. He is indeed living out today my post, and it is my prayer that he will take it as a life-change FROM God in order to free him up to do what God has planned for him. I love you!
I wonder, dear one, what the very nature of "dreams" really is. That would make an interesting Word study sometime. Do they come from our carnal nature? Misfirings of the synapses in our brains as we try to process the multitudinous stimuli from our experience in this sinful world, meaning we see things, we want them, we dream they are ours? Or do we often assume that because God spoke to men through dreams and visions in earlier times, the "dreams" we hold today are His when in fact, really, they are ours - however they come about? Or are dreams sometimes simply things we have asked for, expectantly?
ReplyDeleteI know how your heart is hurting, my sister - because I've walked this particular path more than once as well you know. The best and most powerful word I can offer you is in Paul's letter to the church at Ephesus, when he says, "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
Did you catch that? That His plan for us is "immeasurably more" than anything we could want for ourselves; that the ability to accept His "more" for us is dependent on the work we invite Him to do inside us; and that it is all for His glory? Romans 8:28, which I know you know as intimately as do I, reminds us that we are called according to HIS purpose. We are not our own, as Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 6:20, for He has bought us with a price - the lifeblood of His Only Son.
So we release our hold this day, yes? We can weep our tears over what might have been, but in turn we cling to the better plan of the One Who is really in control. I'm so thankful that He is at times like these, aren't you?
I love you, precious!